As I mentioned in my last blog, this week is pretty much dedicated to exploring kindergarten possibilities for Ash.
This basically includes looking at classrooms and making uneducated first impressions about teachers based on what they are wearing and the cadence of their voice. It’s becoming increasingly apparent that there is NO WAY for me to really guess how my child will integrate (or not) into any of these varied scenarios.
If I had to concretely define what I’m looking for, I suppose I’d say: a school that feels homey.
In other words… a learning space that feels as closely aligned, philosophically, to his home environment as possible.
Of course - no matter what - it will still include a group of 27 other children who are all acting out child-versions of our totally wack adult society. And it will all be contained in a large-ish building with tile floors and florescent lighting. And they will be at the whim of many, many adults making decisions based on money… because there’s no other choice within the public-school-framework.
But yeah… homey.
I have a permanently nagging feeling that I should NOT be sticking my kid in an institution… even if it turns out to be a hippie institution. But I simply don’t have it in me to take on the responsibility of homeschooling my kids 100%... or even 50% for that matter. And I don’t have the energy to create my ideal educational cooperative.
So. School it is. Regular ol’ bullies and popularity…. cubbies and cafeterias… school. The whole, entire, smelling-of-clay-and-canned-green-beans shin-dig.
I keep telling myself that on some level it’s a good life lesson. Just like, on some level… so is circumcision and getting arrested.
It’s occurring to me that I sound very negative. I’ve actually got a little excitement fizzing up about this.
I’m excited to volunteer at the school, meet new people, and create for myself the cooperative feeling that I am afraid of missing.
I am excited to watch Ash grow, socially, in ways that he never would if I kept him contained in our own little social bubble.
And, personally, I’m anticipating how I might grow… when I have to let go and let my kid learn how to face challenges on his own.
I think I might curl up in a ball, as soon as Ash falls asleep, and cry until Benjah explains to me that he will be a tougher kid after this. And that, ultimately, he’s doing ok.
Are you reading this Benjah? Is there some area in your smart phone to record those words for the future? …“tougher kid” and “ultimately doing ok”… That might potentially work for me….
I always remind myself that all the coolest adults had problems in school. But… seriously… who didn’t have problems in school? If you weren’t fat, you sucked at math. And if you had all that under control, your parents were probably getting divorced. Otherwise you had a nervous tick, head gear, or someone taped a love letter you wrote to the inside of a bathroom stall.
And as soon as you’d reasonably recovered from all of that… it was time for the yearly, school-wide scoliosis check.
Whatever…
Really, I just need to let go and leave it all up to that long table of guardian angels who hash out our pasts, presents, and futures and then set us up to receive a generous dollop of our karma lessons.
I wonder if they use a consensus process to make those decisions.
Thanks, everybody. For listening.
I really appreciate you,
Jes